Settling in

Several weeks ago, I was on a long road trip with a friend and we started playing a question game to pass the time. We got to a question about what we thought the other person was afraid of - I teased him for his fear of submarines, he shot me back a bit deeper. He told me he thought I was afraid of the mundane and living a life without purpose. Oof - he wasn't wrong. I laughed and we moved on, but for the next few weeks this really bugged me. I couldn't stop thinking about it, and I couldn't stop wondering if it was a bad thing. I felt myself wanting to rebel against the mundane parts of life and feeling like if I wasn't on a wild adventure for Jesus that put me in uncomfortable situations and intense self-sacrifice, then I wasn't doing enough for Him. Could I really say I had dedicated my life to the Kingdom of God if I was sleeping in a comfortable bed and living in a slow and plush life? I have always respected that everyone has a different role in the Kingdom of God, and I've championed that every part of our lives is ministry whether its in fast paced ministry roles or if its living and working in normal life situations. But for me and my life, I felt like I was supposed to be doing anything but the mundane in order to serve the King. I felt like I was ignoring my calling, being disobedient, being put in time-out by God, being a disappointment if I wasn't actively pursuing a radical life of ministry - and yet I felt God persistently telling me to stay home. I thought about what my friend said a lot, but I was in the middle of prepping to go to Rwanda, and I felt like the fact that I was heading to Rwanda for a visit was proof I wasn't meant for mundane.

If you've read my recent posts, you'll know I didn't go to Rwanda. Two nights before my flight I tested positive for Covid, and I spent that night grieving, facing my fear of the mundane, and exposing the lie I believed that I was failing God in my life here. Even before this night I had recognized and celebrated all the beautiful parts of my life and ministry here in Williamsburg, but deep down I was so afraid to settle in. At times, the idea of embracing Williamsburg felt like I was pushing aside parts of myself and my dreams. That night, the Holy Spirit brought a beautiful transformation within my heart and outlook on life, and since then I've been learning to settle into life here and unpacking lies about my purpose and fears of the mundane. God has been faithful to humble me in this moment of life, to show me the things that really matter, and to show me that they are just as important, profound, and exciting as anything else in this world.

One part of this process I feel led to share is about delight. In the past few weeks God has continually been inviting me to learn how to be with Him and worship Him simply by taking delight in the world He has created for me to live in. I've been building practices in my life that force me to slow down and really be intentional with everything I see, do, and experience with the purpose of relating to God in a new way. I drive slower to really see my town as I go from place to place, I boil my water in a kettle when I want to make tea or coffee to remind myself I'm not in a rush to get through my morning, I go on a lot of walks with Jesus where I just talk to Him about the things I see and tell Him about my day, I read good books and practice stopping to ponder them instead of just quickly consuming their content, when I see my YoungLife girls I hug them a little longer than I need to so I have a second longer to think about how much I love them.

In Genesis, God created our world, He created Adam, and then He made the Garden of Eden to bring Adam into. The word Eden means delight. God had made a whole world and ecosystem and said that it was good, but when He made Adam He wanted a more special place for them to spend time together. So He made the land of delight, and that was the place Adam and Eve were supposed to live with God. When they introduced sin and brokenness to the world they had to leave this land of delight and return to the outside world, and since then I believe we've lost our appreciation for delighting in what God has made and who He is. All the busyness, projects, work, and desires of our world distract us from simply enjoying this gift of life we all have. Forgetting to enjoy what God has given has led to doubt in His plans for us, and for discontentment when we don't get what we want or are asked to do something hard. When Jesus came into my life He offered me a path back into the garden of Eden, into the land of delight - but when I refuse to notice the beauty of life with Him and appreciate every little thing He has done for me then I refuse to enter back into the garden I was created to live in. In the days where I focused on not doing big crazy things that would make me look important, I wasn't able to see the amazing crazy things that God offered me in my day to day life that actually are important. When I spent my time with God complaining about the things I didn't have I pushed aside all the beautiful things I did have, and I put myself in a miserable mood because of that.

As Jesus teaches me to truly live in joy and delight of what He gives, I feel myself sinking deeper into my life and community in Williamsburg. I'm more steadfast in my time with people, I'm happier, I constantly am noticing little things God does throughout my day to show me how much He loves me. The normal parts of my life have become sweeter, more fun, an opportunity to worship God and serve His people, and my purpose is never in question. By choosing to be slow and enjoy life, I walk deeper into Eden on earth with Jesus - and it is my favorite thing ever. I'm thankful for all the friends and leaders who have taught me of this before and helped me see when my priorities were off, and even more thankful Holy Spirit has transformed me to actually grasp this and live it out.

Lord of all,

Thank You for this beautiful world and beautiful life. Help me to keep looking at each day with awe and wonder

for your love for me. Help me to keep looking at each person in my life with awe and wonder for your love for

them.